Our Adoption Story - Part 2

On May 24th, ten days after the initial phone call from our caseworker, we drove to a nearby town to meet Kinsey. Her birth mother and her great-grandmother were with her. Unbeknownst to us, Kinsey turned 9 months old that day. When we drove up to the building and saw our future baby in the parking lot, I was SOOOO nervous (of course I had to go to the bathroom immediately from all the nerves, haha). We were so excited, and had no idea what to expect!

We felt like our first meeting went great. We were grateful the caseworker joined us because he was really helpful in guiding the conversation and getting us to talk about what our expectations were for an adoption. It seemed like we were all on the same page for almost everything. The bottom line is, we all wanted what was best for the baby. My first impression of the birth mother was that she was very mature for her age. You could tell she really prepared herself for the adoption and all she wanted was a good home for Kinsey. Kinsey's birth family loves her so much -- it was very obvious to us at the beginning and it still is now. We are so thankful they took such good care of her for the first 10 months of her life. 

The first meeting lasted about 2 hours. Kinsey was adorable. Apparently she used to be pretty shy with new people and just stared at them (oh how things have changed in 2 months), but she was dancing around and showing off for us. We feel it gave the birth-mother confidence in Kinsey's connection and future attachment with us. I wasn't really sure what to think after the meeting. Everything felt so surreal. Was this going to be our baby? We didn't want to get our hopes up because I have always feared a birth mother changing her mind at the last minute, but during our drive home our caseworker called us to say the birth family felt good about the meeting. That was a relief, but I still wouldn't allow myself to become 100% emotionally involved. We had been hurt so many times before and I had a million emotions racing through me.

Eric and I didn't tell our families about the adoption at this point, although we were very excited about the feedback from our caseworker. We even went to the mall the next day and bought baby clothes for Kinsey (checking the return policies just in case). Although we were a little hesitant, we felt like, overall, the adoption would happen. On Memorial Day, 3 days after the initial meeting, we met the family again without our caseworker. During this meeting they asked outright if we were all in. We said yes, of course, and then we asked them the same. They said yes. I appreciate them being direct so much because that conversation gave me the confidence I needed. Of course I knew meeting more than once was a good sign, but you know women and how we love to worry.  

That afternoon, we sent our families this:

Since we didn't feel comfortable taking pictures of Kinsey quite yet, we jazzed up a picture that our caseworker gave us .

Needless to say, we had a LOT of conversations after sending the picture. Things were still on the down low with everyone outside our immediate family, but it was so nice being able to share this with the fam. 

We continued seeing Kinsey 3 times a week, 2 times a week, and then it turned into 1 time a week as she became familiar with us. The most exciting meeting for Eric was when he went up to Kinsey and she gave him a big smile. She obviously knew who we were and we cherished every smile she gave us.  The meetings were good so we could all get to know each other, but it didn't take long for me to become frustrated. You see, Kinsey was at that age where she was VERY attached to her caretaker (she still is, only now it's me). Eric and I knew we could not progress any further with this little girl until she was separated from her birth family and came home with us. It was hard, but we continued visiting because we knew it was important for Kinsey to keep seeing our faces so she wouldn't forget us. 

Everyone was ready for this transition to happen ASAP, but there was one little snag in our plan -- the birth father. No one seemed to know where he was, so we had a lawyer and private investigator hired to try to track him down so he could sign the paperwork to relinquish his parental rights over Kinsey. We didn't think signing would be a problem as he had zero involvement since conception, but we also weren't sure how reliable he was to sign the paperwork.

By the middle of June, contact had been made with the birth father. He had a few questions for the lawyer, but overall he sounded willing to sign. We were hoping this process would only take a few days. On June 17th we were told the lawyer was talking to the birth father and would have an update in a couple days. On the 19th we were told the birth father was putting the consent in the mail the next day and placement could probably take place the next week. We patiently waited a few days after the "supposed" mailing and then requested an update. The consent still had not been received. More days passed as we waited for our caseworker to contact the lawyer and the lawyer to contact the birth father. It seemed to go on forever. We were so close to bringing Kinsey home, so each day felt like an eternity. 

Around June 26th, the birth father texted the lawyer and told him the paperwork was notarized and he would put it in the mail that day to be overnighted. Eric and I waited a few days, knowing at this point that "the next day" didn't really mean the next day. On July 2nd, we were told the birth father actually put the paperwork in the mail that day and it should arrive by noon the next day. We were so hopeful to spend 4th of July with Kinsey. It would be her first 4th of July and our first holiday as a family. On July 3rd, everyone agreed to go ahead with placement because we all felt confident that the paperwork was on its way, even though this would be officially considered a "high risk" placement without it. Eric and I were hoping for placement to happen that night, but the birth family needed to get some things in order and say their goodbyes. We understood, but we were still a little sad. 

Lo and behold, the paperwork actually DID come in on July 3rd!! We would no longer be placing Kinsey with us at any sort of risk. We went ahead and scheduled placement for July 5th. Although Eric and I wanted to spend the 4th of July with Kinsey, we took advantage of our last holiday without kids and hung out with friends and saw fireworks. It was a good last day of being a family of two. 

That's basically the story, as I've already written about our first week with Kinsey. Our arrangement with the birth family right now is letters, texts, and emails. In case you are wondering, Eric and I chose the name Kinsey and kept her middle name, Allison, the same. In my mind, I wanted to respect the fact that Kinsey did have a life before us. She was very loved and I want her to know that being adopted was never meant to give her up, but to give her more. She is a very loved little girl. We have received an immense amount of support that Eric and I appreciate so much, words can't even express!!

Thank you to every one!!