Kinsey at 12 Months

Eric and I didn't even realize how much Kinsey has grown until one day we looked at her walking under our kitchen table and noticed, "Her head reaches the table!" Now looking back at pictures she looked like a baby, but now she is a little girl. She hasn't gained any weight since her 9 month check-up  aka Kinsey has lost some of her thunder thighs and is slimming out all around. 

She is still VERY happy (when she's not teething) and has not lost her clinginess to Mommy. But each day we notice her bond with Daddy growing stronger. Here are some things to note about our baby girl now that she's 1 YEAR OLD!

 She likes playing at the park. You can't keep her still. 

Playing the fake drums. 

 She loves loves LOVES the pool!

 Kinsey will even occasionally hold her bottle now -- SHOCKER. We're working on weaning her off and are down from 4 to 2 bottles of formula a day. 

 This little toddler likes to sneak up the stairs when we're not looking so it was time to put up the baby gate. 

 Kinsey loves to eat paper of any size and color. Daddy taught her how to hand it to him after she bites off a piece so she doesn't swallow it. 

 Kinsey's getting more used to adjustments so Eric will be able to adjust her in the clinic next trimester. 

 Over the past month she started doing this constantly. I think it means a combination of her pointing something out and wanting to grab it. 

Kinsey loves her books, especially the ones where she can open up flaps.

Like most babies, Kinsey loves smiling at herself in the mirror. It's a daily routine around here.

She's very helpful--even helping me play the guitar.

Kinsey is slowly getting accustomed to being around other kids. Here she met her cousin Savannah for the first time!! We're working on the whole "sharing toys" thing...

And a few more cute faces of Kinsey:

At the doctor's office.

 

 And by the way, her walking is slowly improving every day. As of her birthday she would still crawl quite a bit, but she made it across an entire room a few times while walking. Within a week of her birthday Kinsey learned how to stand up without touching anything and has since been walking nonstop. Oh and after she discovered her belly button she now enjoys pulling up Mommy and Daddy's shirts to see our tummies. 

Little Fishy

For a girl who used to hate bath time, she sure does love water parks and pools. We couldn't be happier since we're having a pool party for her birthday ;) How can you not think she's the cutest thing in the world?!!

Taylor Swift Concert

Last November, Eric told me he thought about buying me Taylor Swift concert tickets but decided against it. I didn't really think anything of it and brushed off the comment. A few months later I opened up my birthday present and found 2 tickets to the concert, a t-shirt, bracelet, 2 flashing necklaces, and other Taylor Swift paraphernalia. I was pretty surprised and was more stoked by the day as we approached August 2nd. 

The big miracle here is that Eric has improved IMMENSELY on his surprise skills. I'm the type of person who always looks for hints for surprises so I knew the whole proposal thing was coming due to many comments Eric made. Fast forward a few years and my husband finally figured it out-YOU NEED TO LIE TO ME TO SURPRISE ME. 

We left our baby girl for the first time since having her. Luckily Eric's mom flew out just to babysit for a few hours (and sent us pics so I knew she was okay)!! In case you're wondering, she did great with Grandma. I think the two days of prep work and getting to know her really helped. 

The first thing we did when we got to the Sprint Center was find Eric a T-Swift shirt. 

 Ed Sheeran was the opening act. His voice is absolutely amazing!! I was pretty surprised that he's actually a one man show and does the work of an entire band with one little device. He is extremely talented and I recommend seeing him if you get the opportunity. 

Next up was Taylor Swift!! Can you tell the name of the tour is "RED"...?

Lots of red lights!

I think it's obvious which one she is...

 Eric and I went to a Lady Antebellum concert last year at the same arena and decided where the perfect seats would be. He was able to get them in the same section (clearly not front row but still really good). 

Singing my favorite song "All Too Well."

 And let's be honest here, Taylor Swift has a lot of money to work with. Her stage moved many times and even took a couple trips across the arena. She also had so many tour buses that they pretty much filled the entire street by the Sprint Center. 

 Look familiar to anyone?

 Just me and my new BFF.

 Thank you for the tickets Eric. You're such a wonderful husband!!

Look Who's Walkin'

On Thursday, August 8th Kinsey started taking more than her usual one or two steps. She's been practicing like crazy ever since. Of course her favorite person to walk to is her mommy!!

Fun-Filled Week

Kinsey had a very exciting week last week. She went to the Kansas City Zoo, met Grandma Walker in person, and went to Schlitterbahn ALL FOR THE FIRST TIME!

We went to the zoo with our neighbor and her daughter on Tuesday. Kinsey smiled at the animals that she could see. A lot of the time the fence was too tall for her in her stroller or people would be standing in front of us. 

It wasn't easy getting a good pic of the animals AND Kinsey in the stroller. 

 She got a great view of all the birds!

Kinsey loved the monkeys. They were making her giggle like crazy. Of course when I turned on the video camera she didn't laugh as much, but it's in there at the end!

Baby and Mama!!

On Wednesday we picked Grandma up from the airport. Kinsey looked at her for a little while in the car deciding if she liked her, then she started smiling at Grandma. They were like two peas in a pod the rest of the visit.   

Daddy started a new trick with Kinsey recently. She enjoys it most of the time, but when she is tired then she just gets a scared look on her face. 

 After rain the whole week, we were so excited that Saturday decided to be good to us. The weather wasn't too hot, so we were able to spend the entire day at the water park, Schlitterbahn. Kinsey was all smiles from the moment we stepped in the parking lot until the time we left. 

Practicing walking while we waited for our tickets.

When Kinsey saw the kiddie area she was squeaking with excitement. All the water fountains and slides really excited her. 

Looking at the kiddie area. 

She didn't need any warming up. She loved the water from the very beginning. 

 I think her favorite part was being able to walk around in the water because it was the perfect height. 

Happy baby!!

 We had a great week and are so thankful Grandma Walker could help us around the house!! We're still working on keeping up with housework while taking care of our angel :)

Kinsey at 11 Months

My oh my has the time flown!! On July 24th Kinsey turned 11 months old. I thought I would be sad to miss out on her infant stage, but I'm loving watching her progress and interact with people. Who needs that overly needy stage that comes with newborns :) I can't wait for her to start walking and talking. I know...you are all thinking I'll regret wanting that when it happens but I have my reasons. Kinsey is still so clingy to me and doesn't like me leaving her side, so when she starts walking then she can just come to me faster rather than frantically crawling toward me in tears. 

Our biggest development has been Kinsey's sleep location. A week before she turned 11 months we started putting her in the crib at night (the crib is quite evil in her opinion) and since then she has been sleeping great ALL night. She wakes up between 6:30 and 8 am not necessarily happy to be in her crib...She is still taking 2 naps a day with me. When we try to put her in the crib for nap time she wastes her precious sleep time by screaming her head off.  

Crying for mama to come pick her up.

She used to poke her lips out like this a lot, but nowadays it serves a purpose. Kinsey makes this face whenever I tell her "no" or do something she doesn't like. 

 Although she is still attached to me at the hip, she loves her daddy. Whenever he comes home or enters the room, she puts a big 2-tooth smile on her face. He is definitely the fun one in the house. 

 Kinsey likes when people sit by her in the back seat, but she's still been doing good by herself. 

 She loves loves LOVES to eat crackers (and any food from our plates). I could watch this video all day long and never get tired of it. 

 Kinsey is still afraid to take steps by herself, but she's been walking around furniture like crazy lately. She loves being mobile. 

A few other updates:

-She says mama, dada, and baba but she doesn't QUITE know what they mean yet

-She was enjoying bath time, but we started putting her in the water alone and she is not a fan of that. She likes her mama in the tub too.

-She smiles at everyone at church and is so friendly. Kinsey also loves watching people and she loves when they give her attention. 

-Unfortunately, Kinsey enjoys my hair. This includes pulling on it. When I move it out of her reach, she tries to grab my eyelashes. 

I am loving staying at home with her. Our days just fly by. We fall more and more in love with her as each day passes. Although I love that she sleeps in her crib, sometimes at night I want to take her out and cuddle with her because I miss her. 

Our Adoption Story - Part 2

On May 24th, ten days after the initial phone call from our caseworker, we drove to a nearby town to meet Kinsey. Her birth mother and her great-grandmother were with her. Unbeknownst to us, Kinsey turned 9 months old that day. When we drove up to the building and saw our future baby in the parking lot, I was SOOOO nervous (of course I had to go to the bathroom immediately from all the nerves, haha). We were so excited, and had no idea what to expect!

We felt like our first meeting went great. We were grateful the caseworker joined us because he was really helpful in guiding the conversation and getting us to talk about what our expectations were for an adoption. It seemed like we were all on the same page for almost everything. The bottom line is, we all wanted what was best for the baby. My first impression of the birth mother was that she was very mature for her age. You could tell she really prepared herself for the adoption and all she wanted was a good home for Kinsey. Kinsey's birth family loves her so much -- it was very obvious to us at the beginning and it still is now. We are so thankful they took such good care of her for the first 10 months of her life. 

The first meeting lasted about 2 hours. Kinsey was adorable. Apparently she used to be pretty shy with new people and just stared at them (oh how things have changed in 2 months), but she was dancing around and showing off for us. We feel it gave the birth-mother confidence in Kinsey's connection and future attachment with us. I wasn't really sure what to think after the meeting. Everything felt so surreal. Was this going to be our baby? We didn't want to get our hopes up because I have always feared a birth mother changing her mind at the last minute, but during our drive home our caseworker called us to say the birth family felt good about the meeting. That was a relief, but I still wouldn't allow myself to become 100% emotionally involved. We had been hurt so many times before and I had a million emotions racing through me.

Eric and I didn't tell our families about the adoption at this point, although we were very excited about the feedback from our caseworker. We even went to the mall the next day and bought baby clothes for Kinsey (checking the return policies just in case). Although we were a little hesitant, we felt like, overall, the adoption would happen. On Memorial Day, 3 days after the initial meeting, we met the family again without our caseworker. During this meeting they asked outright if we were all in. We said yes, of course, and then we asked them the same. They said yes. I appreciate them being direct so much because that conversation gave me the confidence I needed. Of course I knew meeting more than once was a good sign, but you know women and how we love to worry.  

That afternoon, we sent our families this:

Since we didn't feel comfortable taking pictures of Kinsey quite yet, we jazzed up a picture that our caseworker gave us .

Needless to say, we had a LOT of conversations after sending the picture. Things were still on the down low with everyone outside our immediate family, but it was so nice being able to share this with the fam. 

We continued seeing Kinsey 3 times a week, 2 times a week, and then it turned into 1 time a week as she became familiar with us. The most exciting meeting for Eric was when he went up to Kinsey and she gave him a big smile. She obviously knew who we were and we cherished every smile she gave us.  The meetings were good so we could all get to know each other, but it didn't take long for me to become frustrated. You see, Kinsey was at that age where she was VERY attached to her caretaker (she still is, only now it's me). Eric and I knew we could not progress any further with this little girl until she was separated from her birth family and came home with us. It was hard, but we continued visiting because we knew it was important for Kinsey to keep seeing our faces so she wouldn't forget us. 

Everyone was ready for this transition to happen ASAP, but there was one little snag in our plan -- the birth father. No one seemed to know where he was, so we had a lawyer and private investigator hired to try to track him down so he could sign the paperwork to relinquish his parental rights over Kinsey. We didn't think signing would be a problem as he had zero involvement since conception, but we also weren't sure how reliable he was to sign the paperwork.

By the middle of June, contact had been made with the birth father. He had a few questions for the lawyer, but overall he sounded willing to sign. We were hoping this process would only take a few days. On June 17th we were told the lawyer was talking to the birth father and would have an update in a couple days. On the 19th we were told the birth father was putting the consent in the mail the next day and placement could probably take place the next week. We patiently waited a few days after the "supposed" mailing and then requested an update. The consent still had not been received. More days passed as we waited for our caseworker to contact the lawyer and the lawyer to contact the birth father. It seemed to go on forever. We were so close to bringing Kinsey home, so each day felt like an eternity. 

Around June 26th, the birth father texted the lawyer and told him the paperwork was notarized and he would put it in the mail that day to be overnighted. Eric and I waited a few days, knowing at this point that "the next day" didn't really mean the next day. On July 2nd, we were told the birth father actually put the paperwork in the mail that day and it should arrive by noon the next day. We were so hopeful to spend 4th of July with Kinsey. It would be her first 4th of July and our first holiday as a family. On July 3rd, everyone agreed to go ahead with placement because we all felt confident that the paperwork was on its way, even though this would be officially considered a "high risk" placement without it. Eric and I were hoping for placement to happen that night, but the birth family needed to get some things in order and say their goodbyes. We understood, but we were still a little sad. 

Lo and behold, the paperwork actually DID come in on July 3rd!! We would no longer be placing Kinsey with us at any sort of risk. We went ahead and scheduled placement for July 5th. Although Eric and I wanted to spend the 4th of July with Kinsey, we took advantage of our last holiday without kids and hung out with friends and saw fireworks. It was a good last day of being a family of two. 

That's basically the story, as I've already written about our first week with Kinsey. Our arrangement with the birth family right now is letters, texts, and emails. In case you are wondering, Eric and I chose the name Kinsey and kept her middle name, Allison, the same. In my mind, I wanted to respect the fact that Kinsey did have a life before us. She was very loved and I want her to know that being adopted was never meant to give her up, but to give her more. She is a very loved little girl. We have received an immense amount of support that Eric and I appreciate so much, words can't even express!!

Thank you to every one!!

Our Adoption Story - Part 1

I've been going back and forth with this, thinking about how much information I want to share. I guess the holes that I leave will be filled in with time. Out of respect for the birth mom, I won't go into too much detail about her situation. Hope you enjoy!!

In April 2012, Eric and I went to the Kansas City Infertility Awareness Conference. We were able to choose a few seminars to attend, and one of them we chose was an adoption seminar put on by a local adoption agency. The speaker was very negative toward adoption and how difficult/expensive it can be. Eric and I left the seminar with the feeling that we NEVER wanted to adopt, or at least we would try IVF ten or twenty times before even considering it. It was pretty disappointing and I can't believe that speaker was ever chosen. 

Fast forward to June 2012, Eric and I received disappointing news of an early miscarriage YET AGAIN regarding our IVF cycle. Our whole infertility journey has been a series of disappointment and heartache (but I'll go into that more in another post). The news really put the nail in the coffin for me, and I started seriously questioning why this was happening to us. How could we be so close to having a baby, and then it gets taken away in a blink of the eye? Would I ever be able to carry a baby to term? Not to mention, the cost of IVF is crazy and does not offer any guarantees. Out of nowhere, I got a strong feeling that I needed to consider adoption. This was definitely weird, because as you recall Eric and I were sort of anti-adoption at this point, so I knew the thought was an impression and I needed to follow it.  

I told Eric we needed to consider adoption and I think he was thrown off a little, but after a few days he agreed to move forward with it. Being the over-achiever that I am, I immediately booked an appointment with LDS Family Services so we could get started right away. As I recall, we met with our caseworker a week or two later in the beginning of August and learned what we needed to do to qualify and complete our profile. LDS Family Services tells you that the average wait time to adopt a baby is 2 years. Wow! For an impatient person like myself that was an eternity. He also told us that completing our profile could take up to a year, it just depends on how fast the couple wants to move. Well, I wanted to go as fast as possible, so we worked our butts off getting our background check, filling out paperwork, answering lots of questions, having our home study, and completing our letter to the birth parents. It was so great to actively be doing something instead of waiting and waiting, and we were officially "online" in 3 months at the end of October. Being online means you are searchable to birth parents all over the country and the caseworker will show your profile to prospective birth parents. 

We went months without hearing anything, and then finally in February we got an email from a birth mom!! We were so nervous responding, but it didn't take long for me to get a bad vibe about that arrangement. I knew it was not the right baby for us, so Eric and I treated our emails as practice for future birth moms. A couple days later she told us she was going in a different direction, which we were expecting. A couple weeks later we got another email from a birth mom that was due the NEXT MONTH. We were so shocked. The more we learned about that adoption, however, the more we knew it wasn't the opportunity for us, and we told her our feelings shortly after. 

After emailing with those two birth moms, I was really frustrated. Why couldn't we just hear from the right birth mom? I became anti-adoption again more to spare my own feelings. Protecting my emotions by pretending not to care is how I made it through a good portion of the past few years of infertility. 

Eric and I went on living our lives and pushed adoption to the back of our minds. If we heard news then great, but we tried to have zero expectations. On May 14, 2013 Eric called me at work and told me our caseworker needed to talk to us. I stepped outside and Eric joined the calls so the three of us were all on the phone. The first thing our caseworker said was that he knew our profile mentioned we would be willing to adopt a baby 6 months or younger, but would we consider an older baby? I was really thrown off and kind of speechless (I didn't even know LDS Services dealt with older adoptions). Our first response was exactly how much older would the baby be? The caseworker went on to explain that she was 8 months old and has been living with her birth mom. The birth mom was going to place her for adoption at birth but changed her mind. After raising the baby for awhile, she realized it would be in the best interest of the baby to be in a more stable environment. 

We were given about two days to figure out if we would be interested in pursuing this adoption. Talk about pressure! Eric and I talked and prayed that night. We really tried to trust in our feelings. Although we were scared and nervous, we never had any negative feelings about the situation, and we didn't want to wonder "what if" or have any regrets, so we just said to ourselves, "Why not see where this goes?" There was still time for us to back out if we didn't feel good about it, and the birth mom could always back out as well. 

**Stay tuned for Part 2 (Meeting Kinsey)**

First Week of Parenthood

My goodness, we have had such a busy and eventful week with this little one!! We had no idea what to expect after placement on Friday, July 5th. Eric and I read articles and knew that Kinsey would need to grieve so there would be a LOT of crying to expect, but I'm not sure she ever did any grieving. We have felt like she has been amazing during this transition. Every day has brought a new accomplishment, and it's hard to believe we've only had our little angel for 9 days. 

 Friday: Kinsey cried the whole drive home, but once we arrived here, she was quiet and taking in her surroundings. Eric was able to get her down for a half hour nap. My biggest concern was getting her to eat, but after a couple hours she finally did. We tried to get her to bed too early for what she was used to (8 o'clock), so she slept for a half hour and then was wide awake until 12:30 am. She slept on us the first night with Eric taking the first shift and me jumping in at 5 AM so he could sleep. 

 Saturday: This was by far the hardest day for all 3 of us. Eric and I were exhausted thanks to our lack of sleep the night before. Kinsey cried ALL day and ALL evening with the exception of dinner time. She loves family dinners when the 3 of us are eating around the table together. That night I noticed she kept touching her mouth and putting toys in but quickly throwing them out. I realized she was teething. LIGHT BULB! That was a good parenting moment actually knowing what is wrong with your child. After looking online, the best solution for little miss Kinsey was sucking on a toothbrush to massage her gums. She loved the toothbrush, and with the help of Orajel, Kinsey was able to sleep on us at night. 

 Sunday: We went to church and Kinsey was an angel! She sat with mommy the whole time and fell asleep on me during third hour. No crying fits carried over from Saturday, so we were pretty sure her tooth broke through the gums. Sunday definitely confirmed Kinsey attaching herself to me, when she was very taken with Eric at first. This night we decided to have Kinsey sleep next to us on the bed and it went soooo much better for all of us. She had less interruptions during the night and so did we. 

 Monday: This was our first day without Daddy! Kinsey and I went to the store to get a couple things. She cried the whole car ride, but once we went through the entrance of ToysRus, Kinsey was completely quiet and taking in everything around her. 

 Tuesday: The days are pretty tiring without Eric home, but Kinsey and I just take a lot of naps to pass the time. She loves having all three of us together, so play time is when Daddy gets home. This night we decided to put Kinsey to bed on the floor instead of our bed (she kicks us a lot and is pretty unpredictable at night). It would have gone a lot better, but our floors are squeaky and she is a very light sleeper. 

 Wednesday: I put Kinsey in her high chair for the first time and she did surprisingly well. It was surprising because this little girl does not like me leaving her side. When I go to the bathroom, she follows me while crying if I don't take her with me. I started placing her on the bathroom counter so she would be happy and she has grown to enjoy that. 

 Thursday: A big big BIG milestone was hit today as Kinsey actually had fun in her bath!! I have been going in the tub with her every night and she would scream during the entire bath. As the week went on, the crying was gradually quieter, but still crying nonetheless. 

Diva!!

She likes her car rides better now.

Date night at Outback!